Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
