Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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