Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
