went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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