Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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