Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
