imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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