I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
