I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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