I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
