And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
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her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
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I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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