Well douche your snatch and let's go!
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
