Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
