I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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