We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
