I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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