Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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