Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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