i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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