the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
