I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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