I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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