Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
