The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
