thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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