I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
