he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
