There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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