new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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