Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
