wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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