Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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