Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
This is the prime rib incident all over again
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
