if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize