It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
