she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
