I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
