you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
