Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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