Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
