after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
