We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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