Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
