i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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