Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
