I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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