Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
