Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
