woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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