why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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