So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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