A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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