I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
