he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Randomize
