I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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