There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Randomize
