we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
