she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
