I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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