oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
