hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
